By: "Mr. Jonathan" Here's a crappy attempt at writing on my part. You guys won't get the whole author/editor thing at the end, but it's still kind of amusing. So, um.. yeah! Here it is!! All honest criticisms are welcome. ;p -Mr. Jonathan http://www.geocities.com/mrjojo2222/ THE FIC: It was a dark and stormy night..... well, it might have been dusk, and a little bit drizzly. ...Alright!! It was a bright, sunny day and little Chibi-Usa skipped happily along the sidewalk to Mamo-Chan’s home, ice-cream cone in hand, followed by her own personal fan club of Clefairies and dancing bunny rabbits. Ah... all was so jolly. The cartoonist had painted the trees pink (yes, the cartoonist WAS drunk, which also explains the Clefairies.) and the (blasted drunken Japanese.) sky yellow. And this wasn’t Hiroshima, so little Chibi-Usa decided it was a good sign. Happily, she skipped into the road, followed by her fan club and the monotonous English Chibi-Usa theme emiting from an unseen electronic orchestra. She shouted a happy “Hello!” to the passing manatee (Yeah, that guy is smashed.). Life couldn’t have been better. And so, as if on cue, the steam roller came... It burst out of the pink trees like a raged beast, and landed, crushing several Clefairies in a sickening *crunch* sound and a spray of blood. The others danced on, oblivious. Chibi-Usa’s only hint of the danger was the sudden change of music. Screaming, she ran for her life, screaming blue bloody murder. Persistently, the steam roller followed not more than six meters away. Chibi-Usa spun into a dark corner alley and lay next to a dumpster. She hugged her knees and began to cry. Just for effect, she tried to use her key, raised 20 meters into the sky, and landed on the pavement again. (We’re cruel bastards, but they, it’s fun.) Suddenly, she heard a voice over a loud speaker. “You can’t hide forever, kid! You think these countless background characters in the streets can hide you like they did the other Sailor Scouts in past episodes with sober cartoonists?!” *c-c-c-c-ccrunch* “Think again!!” Chibi-Usa sat there still, hoping her hiding place would be good enough. She had to get to Mamo-Chan’s house as fast as she could! Screaming, she burst into the road, trailed by the mad steam roller driver. Suddenly, she fell into Mina, Ami, Rei, and Makoto. Yelling “Chibi-Usa!” in uncanny and somewhat inhuman unison, they crowded around her. Chibi-Usa, sobbing, screamed, “There’s an insane guy who wants to kill me in a steamroller! You gotta help me!” “We’ll help you, Chibi-Usa! Venus Star Power, Make-Up!” “Mars Star Power, Make-Up!” “Jupiter Power, Make-Up!” “Mercury Power, Make-Up!” After a long sequence, they had all transformed, and stumbled over each other to get into a pose. At last, they got into a fancy circus act pose. “THE SAILOR S-” *CRUNCH* “Morons,” muttered, Chibi-Usa, and continued to run for Mamo-Chan’s home. Suddenly, she fell into Haruka, Michiru, and Setsuna. Yelling “Chibi-Usa!” in uncanny unison, they crowded around her. Chibi-Usa, sobbing, screamed, “There’s an insane guy who wants to kill me in a steamroller! You gotta help me!” “We’ll help you, Chibi-Usa! Uranus Planet Power, Make-Up!” “Neptune Planet Power, Make-Up!” “Pluto Planet Power, Make-Up!” After a long sequence, they had all transformed, and stumbled over each other to get into a pose. At last, they got into a fancy circus act pose. “THE OUTER SAILOR S-” *CRUNCH* “Morons,” muttered, Chibi-Usa, and continued to run for Mamo-Chan’s home. Suddenly, Chibi-Usa stumbled upon Hotaru. Rinse, lather repeat, Sailor Saturn was splattered, Chibi-Usa ran on. When she reached the apartment building, she ran in and flung herself into the elevator, closing it behind her. The steamroller circled the building like a dog trapping game in a tree. The man made snarling noises over the loud-speaker, and if it hadn’t before, his sanity started to come into question. Upon bursting into Mamoru’s room, she found Usagi and Mamoru on the bed laughing to the point of tears, with a laptop computer beside them. “Mamo-Chan! Usagi! You have to help me!” The two stopped laughing, and giant sweat-drops threatened to swallow their heads whole.. “Oh! ....Really?” asked Usagi. “W-we don’t know the first thing about it!” added Mamo-chan. During along pause, a colossal sweat drop from Usagi’s head hit the computer and sent it tumbling towards Chibi-Usa’s feet. “Hey, what’s this? A racing game?” she said, as she moved the cursor around. Usagi fell on the ground dead, having been drowned by a sweat drop. Mamoru look at Usagi, poked her with his foot, and turned to Chibi-Usa again. “Huh? YES! It-it’s a racing game. Hahaha! Isn’t that funn-” “OPERATION: KILL CHIBI-SPORE?!” “.....” “..??” “Um, Chibi-Usa, it’s not what you thi-” “To hell it isn’t!” Upon that, she drew her key and held it at him threateningly. He stared right into her eyes. The silence was long and suspenseful. The only audible noise was a gurgle noise coming from Usagi’s body. Slowly, not taking his eyes off of Chibi-Usa, he pressed a small button by his ear. “Do you have a shot, Mr. Jonathan?” A voice crackled in response, “Yes sir.” “Do it.” Before Chibi-Usa made one step back, the window exploded into glass shards that flew everywhere. A hole in Chibi-Usa’s chest tore open, and she stumbled against the wall, leaning slighty forward and looking at Mamoru. Another shoot took her in the shoulder. She began to slide down on the wall, streaks of red on the wall appearing. In a last effort to stay up, her hand found the dresser beside her. Cooly, Mamoru raised his pistol, and fired one round which hit her square in the neck. Her body landed on the floor in a mess of glass and blood. The crimson pool grew around her, and her head rocked to the left and lay still. She was dead. Mamoru stood up slowly, wiping the blood from his face, smearing it with the sweat on his brow. It was over. On cue, the Clefaries came out of the closet and had an Ewok-style celebration. “Um....” “Yahoo!” C-3PO embraced him in a bear hug and started dancing. “I don’t thin-” “AUUUGH!” Adolph Hitler, wearing leather pants, burst though the wall and joined in on the party. “...that this-” “Mooo!!” yelled the rabid manatee as it tackled poor Mamoru out of the window. Editor: What the hell is going on? Author: Huh? Artist: Huh? Editor: Not YOU!!! ::Point at Author:: I took this job ‘cause I had enough of you and Animalia!! Author: Ahaha! While you where job searching, we executed the president of Bantam books and took over their buildings! Editor: And who are YOU? ::Points at Artist:: Artist: Pamela Anderson. Please to meet you. ::falls over on table:: Author 2: What’s the problem here?! Editor: ACK! You too?! Author 3: Mueeheehee! ::stabs Editor with fork:: Editor: Haauwck!! Ewok: Hitcha!! ::blows battle horn, 200 ewoks tackle editor and carry him away:: Editor: Nooooooooo..... *voice trails off* Author 3: AHAHAHA!! ::mows the ewoks and Editor down with tommy gun:: Author 2: Ahahahaha!! ::burns down a rainforest:: Natives: Auuugh! ::all run away:: --silence--- Author 1: ...We did a good deed today. Author 3: ..... Author 2: ....... We did? Author 1: Well, not really, but I think we all learned a valuable lesson. Author 3: ...... Author 2: No we didn’t. Author 1: ....Yeah, I guess you’re right. Author 2: ..Hmm.... Author 3: ...... Author 1: Well... We had fun. Author 2: RIGHT ON! Author 3: Yeah, baby!! -(¬_<)~ ::all three ride off into sunset, artist falls onto floor. Camera zooms out on Bantam building:: The End