A Day in the Life of the Negaverse: A Sailor Moon Fanfic

(sort of)

 (or) We All Have Our Own Little Obsessions

By M. Bain.....First Senshi of the Shrine of Malachite



Author's Note: I'd just like to say a couple of things

before you read my fanfic and proceed to avoid me for the

rest of your natural life. First of all, this fanfic is

based on both the North American and Japanes versions of

Sailor Moon. The characters (and some of the situations) are

the creations of Takeuchi Naoko and if anyone is upset by

this, then I humbly offer my apologies (but it is a parody

after all). I also offer my apologies for any other

copyrights which I may have infringed upon but since I am

making no money off of this, I don't expect anyone to make a

big deal about it. Oh, and by the way, anything in this that

doesn't belong to someone else  is mine. It's not much, but

it's all I have. (Sad, isn't it?)

     Secondly, I am a very big fan of Sailor Moon

(especially the villans) but as the saying goes...."You

always poke fun at the ones you love....." (so I'm not a

poet) Perhaps I'll try something a little more serious if

the mood strikes me but for now this is all you're going to

get.

    Thirdly (if that's a word), I wish to say that this

story is not attempting to be serious in any way, shape or

form. It does not fall anywhere within the SM timeline

(except for the fact that the Dark Kingdom is around). It is

not trying to accurately portray the characters which it is

poking fun at.  It is merely trying present a (hopefully)

humorous view of what these characters would be like if they

were cartoons....I mean, uh......anyway, that's all folks

(boy, I'm going to get my butt sued off if I'm not careful).

Sit back, grab a java, enjoy! =)





     Queen Beryl sat in her throne room, working in complete

silence. The leigons of youma which normally were invited to

grovel in her presence had been sent away, for her present

task was one of such importance and delicacy that complete

silence and solitude was necessary for it's completion. Not

even her four generals were allowed to participate in the

job at hand. The only sounds were the Queen's occasional

mutterings as she bent over her task.

     "Almost........almost.........THERE!!!! HA HA HA HA!"

She laughed maniacally upon the completion of her task. "I

HAVE DONE THAT WHICH NO ONE ELSE HAS BEEN ABLE TO DO!!! The

tracking is now perfect for my first viewing of Star

Trek:Generations. Now where's my remote control?"

     Queen Beryl searched frantically around the great hall

for the remote control and, after finding it wedged under

the seat cushion of her throne, sat back to enjoy the

caperings of Captains Kirk and Picard. It was not to be,

however. The opening credits were only half over when Beryl

realized that she had forgotten to pick up the microwave

popcorn.

     "Damn! Where am I going to get snack food at this

hour?" She stopped the VCR and, in a flare of temper,

blasted a few boulders out her ceiling. When she had calmed

down, a couple of hours and a few walls later, she decided

to call upon one of her minions to provide her with the

necessary junk food.

     "JADEITE!!!" It was a moment before she heard a

response.

     "Hi...You've reached Jadeite's residence. I'm not in

right now but if you leave your name and misson at the sound

of the tone, I'll get right back to

you............<beeeeep>"  Queen Beryl rolled her eyes in

annoyance.

     "JADEITE! Pick up the line! I know you're there! I can

hear you breathing!.........oh wait...That's right! I put

him in eternal sleep. Well, he could have at least changed

his message!"

     Beryl sighed. She didn't normally reverse the eternal

sleep since it tended to make her underlings think that they

could get away with murder. However, desperate times called

for desperate measures. So at the risk of looking like a

soft-touch, Beryl decided to bring Jadeite back from the

eternal sleep. She teleported the crystal which he was

encased in to her throne room and immediately set a couple

of youma to work at chipping him out.

     Jadeite, being under the influence of total sensory

deprivation, was unaware of the fact that he was about to be

given a second chance. He was, in fact, unaware of most

everything. In the first little while he had tried to hang

onto his sanity by humming the scores to some of the more

popular musicals in his head, but after getting through

Phantom, Les Mis and part of Cats he grew bored and

eventually just dozed off. He was, therefore, fast asleep

when the upper part of his body was finally freed by the

persistant youma.

      "Jadeite, wake up!" Beryl tapped her foot in an

aggravated fashion. Patience had never been one of her

strong suits. Jadeite rolled over in his sleep (quite an

accomplishment while partially sealed in a giant crystal)

and began to snore.

      "Jadeite!!!"

      "Just five more minutes, Ma........"

      Queen Beryl motioned to the youma to place Jadeite

upright. He slumped slightly, still in dreamland. Beryl

stood nose to nose with her first general.

     "JADEITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!" Beryl's

screech echoed throughout the great hall. Jadeite snapped

awake and tried to jump backwards. His feet, however, were

still encased in the cystal and he could only manage a, less

than graceful, tumble onto his backside.

     "My queen wishes to....<yawn>....speak with me?"

Jadeite asked automatically. He grumbled inwardly,though.

'Man, just when the dreams were starting to get REALLY

good...' The Queen glanced at him sharply, sensing his

reluctance and he immediately snapped to attention.

     "Yes, Jadeite." Queen Beryl sat and waved her hands

over the crystal ball in front of her throne. It helped her

concentrate. "There is a very important misson which must be

completed and I have, therefore, decided to give you a

second chance."

     "Thank you, my Queen." Jadeite gave a deep, submissive

bow. A little humility never hurt. "What is it you wish me

to do? Discover the identity of the Moon Princess? Destroy

the Sailor Scouts? Lead the attack of the Dark Kingdom on

earth?"

     "Far more important than that, Jadeite."

     Jadeite felt giddy with power. The Queen had a job for

him which was more important than leading the attack on

earth. His mind raced with the possibilities as Queen Beryl

prepared to announce his mission.

     "I command you, Jadeite," she began, "to find me an all

night convenience store....." This was not what he had

expected but he was sure the best was yet to come. "....and

purchase me a box of microwave popcorn....and get me the

movie theatre kind, not that extra light crap..."

     "My Queen?" Jadeite was becoming confused at this point

but Beryl did not seem to notice.

     "Oh, and while you're at it pick up one of those extra

large bags of nachos...and don't forget the salsa.....extra

spicey....."

     Jadeite began fumbling in his pockets for a pen and a

piece of paper. Queen Beryl seemed to be on a roll and his

memory had been slipping of late......not that there had

been all that much to remember.

     "Please, slow down Your Majesty.." Jadeite said as he

hurriedly scribbled down the first few things she had

requested. He glanced down at the youma who was snickering

at his feet. "Who told you to stop working? If the rest of

me's not out of that crystal soon, you'll be the one

transporting me to the Kwik Mart." The youma went back to

work but still seemed overly amused by Jadeite's rather

sudden demotion from general to go-fer. Jadeite groaned

inwardly. This was not the way to make a comeback.

      Half an hour later Jadeite was making his way towards

the all night Kwik Mart in downtown Tokyo. His teleport

skills were still rusty after the not-so-eternal sleep and

he had ended up tangled in the branches of a cherry tree.

This, on top of the fact that the youma chipping him out of

the crystal had gouged a hole in his new boots, had put the

general in a frightfully bad mood. In an attempt to focus he

began reading through the list of  "reqirements" for his

"misson".

     "Popcorn, nachos, salsa (extra spicey), barbeque

potatoe chips, mixed nuts, pretzles, licorice (black AND

cherry), beef jerky(?), Oreos,  Cheetos, a couple of Mars

Bars, a bunch of those little gummi candies......... I'd

better get a receipt or she'll never pay me back for all

this stuff."



                                              *

*                    *



     Meanwhile, in another part of the Dark Kingdom, Beryl's

second general Neflite was in a predicament of his own. He

stood before his open closet and stared at it's contents,

scowling. Racks and racks of blue-grey uniforms stared back

at him. Neflite couldn't remember the last time he had had a

wardrobe change and he didn't have time to go clothes

shopping before his big date later that evening. He sighed.

Maybe Molly wouldn't notice that he always wore the same few

outfits. He began pulling out uniforms and holding them up

to himself, hoping to find a stylish outfit that he had

forgotten about.

     "What was I thinking?" he muttered to himself as an old

uniform with bell bottoms and extra wide lapels hit the

floor. It was almost as bad as that punk phase he went

through in the early eighties. Neflite shuddered at the

memory and continued searching.

    Finally, after a couple hours of debating, Neflite laid

out his CK brand name uniform (the label would impress Molly

if not the outfit itself). He had wanted to wear the Armani

but he accidentally tore out the seams while trying to get

it on. This had resulted in the appearance of a large sweat

drop on his forehead and another hour of standing in front

of the mirror trying to figure out where he had put on the

extra weight.

     "Guess I'll have to cut back on the Nega-twinkies...."

Neflite sighed as he sucked in his stomach and struck a

Riker-esque pose. Now that Molly was around he'd have to

start exercising a little self-control. Abandoning his hopes

of losing a few pounds before he had to meet his date,

Neflite began the most difficult and time consuming part of

his preparations........the hair.

     Three bottles of hairspray and two curling irons later,

Neflite was doing a last minute check on his appearance when

he heard a summons from Queen Beryl.

     "NEFLITE!!!!!!!!!"

     For a moment Neflite considered pretending not to hear

her. He could just show up later and say that he had been

out when she called. The insanity passed quickly, however,

and the second general of the Dark Kingdom was soon

shuffling towards Beryl's throne room sulking about how he

never got to have any fun.

     When Neflite arrived in front of Beryl's throne it was

a few moments before the queen even noticed him. He cleared

his throat rather noisily, thinking that perhaps the large

hearts in front of Queen Beryl's eyes were blocking her

vision. The queen shushed him  and continued gazing at a

close up of Captain Picard on her wide screen television.

Neflite thought this was odd considering that there was no

dialogue at the time but, not wishing to invoke the queen's

wrath, he took the hint.

     It was five minutes later that Neflite realized that he

could be standing there a while. The movie was only half

over and Queen Beryl had given no indication that she would

be pausing the tape to give her orders. He therefore

occupied his time in a number of different ways.....shifting

his weight from one foot to the other, trying not to drool

on his uniform as he looked at the mountain of junk food

surrounding the throne and thinking up excuses that he could

give Molly for being so late. He didn't even notice Jadeite

until the other man poked him in the leg and motioned him to

one side.

     Needless to say, Neflite was rather suprised to see the

general who had preceeded him and, when he had climbed down

from the ceiling, he was filled with questions. How did

Jadeite get out of the eternal sleep? Did this mean he was

out of a job? Why is he scrubbing the floor of the great

hall with a toothbrush? He later found out that Jadeite had

pushed Beryl a little too far by asking her to pay him back

for the snack food and she had given him a large portion of

the cleaning detail as punishment. Getting a little labour

out of Jadeite seemed more practical than putting him back

in eternal sleep. Especially considering that professional

cleaners charged an arm and a leg. At the time, however,

these questions bounced around in Neflite's mind until at

last he could stand it no longer and promptly fell asleep

while still on his feet.

     An hour and ten minutes later Neflite was awakened by

the bellow of his queen. Beryl had finished watching

Generations and, after reviewing her favorite parts, was

ready to hand down her instructions to the second general.

     "NEFLITE!!!!!!!!!!...........oh, you're already

here......excellent."

     "W-w-w-what does my queen wish?" Neflite asked as he

climbed down from the ceiling for the second time. He made a

mental note to pick up something for his nerves.

     "I wish for you to find something for me. An object of

great importance and value."

     At the other end of the hall Jadeite stifled a snort.

'Where have I heard that before?' he thought sarcastically.

Queen Beryl glared in his direction and he began scrubbing

with renewed energy. At this rate he was going to need

another toothbrush.

     "And what is this object my queen?" Like Jadeite before

him, Neflite went on a small power trip wondering what this

task was that only HE could carry out was.

     "You know those novelty celebrity stand-ups? The ones

made of cardboard?"

     "Yeeessssss." Neflite answered slowly, not liking the

direction that the conversation was taking.

     "Find a store that sells them and pick up one of

Captain Picard.......oh, and maybe the entire cast of Star

Wars as well...........and one of Mulder and Scully from The

X-Files."

     "Is that all your majesty?" Neflite was gritting his

teeth. So much for an evening on the town.

     "Yes, you may leave now."

     Neflite gave a low bow and headed for the exit.

     "Oh, Neflite...." Beryl called him back. "While you're

at it, drop this off at the video store and take a few

dollars extra because there will probably be a late fine."

     Neflite snatched the video as it floated in his

direction and left after mumbling something along the lines

of "who died and made you queen?" Thankfully Queen Beryl was

already immersed in the latest issue of Starlog and didn't

hear him.

     Back in his mansion, Neflite pondered how he would

fulfill the queen's wishes. It gave him something to do

while waiting to regain hearing in his right ear. It always

amazed him how loudly Molly could yell when she was angry.

Hopefully she would give him another chance after she cooled

off. She seemed to be more impatient as of late. Maybe it

had something to do with that Melvin guy who always seemed

to be hanging around. But first things first.....

     "Where on earth am I going to find all those stand-ups?

I don't even know where to start looking." Neflite grumbled.

He started to stand up and pace but promptly sat down again

when he discovered that being partially deaf caused a

serious lack in equilibrium. Forgetting his earlier wardrobe

problems, Neflite grabbed a twinkie from the coffee table

and began to eat it in a very annoyed fashion. Maybe the

sugar hit would give him a brainstorm. Approximately ten

minutes later he was rewarded for his efforts.

     "OF COURSE!!!!" he shouted. "The stars know

everything!"

     Neflite raced to his computer, consequently banging his

shin on the coffee table, and logged on.

     "Ok....let's

see......Netsearch.......Lycos........Magellan......Excite..

..Yahoo. Here it is! The Stars Netsearch." He continued

talking to himself as he typed. "Ok....search....Science

Fiction......Merchandise.....Standups." Neflite waited for a

moment as the links to a bazillion websites came up on the

screen and then began searching for through the most likely

candidates.

It wasn't long before the general had a list of over a dozen

places where the stand-ups could be found.

     "Now...just one more thing to check." Neflite continued

mumbling to nothing and no one in particular. He groaned

when the price list was called up. This was going to destory

his Dark Master Card credit rating.



                                           *

*                    *



     At the same time, in yet another part of the

Negaverse........

     "Honey, I'm home!"

     Zoisite looked towards the main entrance, distracted

from his step aerobics. He had been feeling a little

sluggish lately and started a new exercise program in hopes

that it would bring up his energy level. It was also a

perfect excuse to buy a new workout leotard. Mauve was

definitely his colour.

     "How was your day?" he asked as Malachite entered the

living room, threw off his cape and plunked down in front of

the television.

     "You wouldn't believe what I went through today."

Malachite grabbed the remote and began channel surfing. "The

lies... the deceit....the chaos...the carnage."

     "Sounds like you had a great time."

     "The best." Malachite decided on a channel and turned

his attention back to Zoisite. "So how what did you do

today?"

     "Oh the usual. Found a rainbow crystal...fought the

Sailor Brats......matched wits with Cape Boy....Oh, I also

went down to Portraits 'R' Us and picked up those photos we

had taken last Saturday." A snapshot flew towards Malachite,

not unlike a ninja star, and he nabbed it in midflight.

     "That's the best shot," Zoisite continued, "but I don't

know.....I think I'm making a wierd face."

     "You look fine," Malachite said, tossing the photo

back. "Order a couple dozen and we can send them out in the

Christmas cards this year."

     "Sure thing." Zoisite continued with his step aerobics.

"Oh, I also picked up this cute leotard on sale. What do you

think?" He struck a pose.

     "Looks good." Malachite peeled his eyes away from the

t.v. for a fraction of a second. "I always thought green was

your colour, though."

     "Hmmmph!" Zoisite stuck his nose in the air. "You

didn't even look!"

     "What? Of course I did!" Malchite hoped this wasn't

going to become a long argument. Baywatch was coming on and

he hated to miss it.

     "You did not! You're too busy staring at David

Hasselhoff!"

     "Get real! He's not even my type!"

     "THEN WHY IS THE TV STILL ON!!!!!!??????"

     "Okay...okay." Malachite turned of the television and

stood up. "Are you happy now?"

     "Go away!" Zoisite was in a huff and was not about to

forgive and forget.

     "Don't be mad, Zoisite." A rose appeared in his hand.

"You know there's no one I care for more in all the

Negaverse."

     "Oh, Malachite." Zoisite smiled and took the rose.

     Malachite smiled inwardly. 'Works every time.' he

thought.

     "Now, what would you like for supper? I'll go get take-

out." Malachite began re-attaching his cape. Appearances

counted.

     "How about that new little Italian place? I hear it's

pretty good."

     "Your wish is my command."

     "And while you're at it will you rent the new Ranma 1/2

video?"

     Malachite grimaced inwardly.

     "I really don't understand why you like that stuff." he

complained.

     "Quit griping. We rented what you wanted last weekend.

It's my turn. Besides, for some reason I feel like I can

really relate to this Ranma character. I'm not sure what it

is........" Zoisite drifted off into thought.

     "Alright, you win. Maybe I can find out from the video

store when the Baywatch Movie is going to be released."

Malachite deftly avoided the large table that Zoisite threw

in his direction. Those cartoons were becoming a bad

influence on him. "Just kidding. See you in about an hour."

      Two hours later Malachite returned with an enormous

amount of Italian cuisine and four Ranma 1/2 video. This was

not, however, enough to placate the enraged Zoisite who had

been pacing like a caged tiger for the past hour.

     "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN???????" He seemed to tower above

everything in the room, especially Malachite. An extremely

large sweat drop appeared over the fourth general's head. He

had known this would happen. Zoisite always got cranky when

supper was late.

     "I-I'm sorry....there was a-a huge line up at the

restaunt....and traffic like..."

     "Stop with the excuses!" Zoisite snatched a bag of food

from his hands and began to look for the garlic bread. "I'm

here starving to death while you were probably out stalking

some Baywatch babe look-alike."

      Malachite sighed. Somehow he thought the old rose

routine wasn't going to work this time. Zoisite had always

been testy but this time he seemed to be worse than usual.

Maybe he should switch to de-caf.

     Zoisite had just polished off the garlic bread and was

moving onto the rigatoni when Queen Beryl's call came.

     "ZOISITE!!!!!!!! MALACHITE!!!!!!!!!! Present yourselves

at once!!"

     "Well, that's just GREAT!" Zoisite threw down his fork

with enough force to leave it sticking upright out of the

kitchen table. "You're out ogling bimbos in bathing suits,

my supper is late and now her queenship thinks we're free to

be called on at any hour of the day!!!!!!!"

     "Shhhhh! Shhhhh!" Malachite tried, unsucessfully to

calm his better half(????) down. "Queen Beryl will see you

anger as weakness!!!"

     "I DON"T CARE!" Zoisite began a tirade of insults, most

of them directed at Malachite, and stormed around the house

breaking anything he could get his hands on. Malachite

rolled his eyes. Zoisite always picked the worst possible

times to throw temper tantrums.



                                                *

*                     *



     Queen Beryl was tapping her fingernails impatiently

when Malachite finally arrived with a sullen Zoisite in tow.

He took one look at the queen's face and immediately began

trying to explain why the two of them were late.

     "I'm terribly sorry for being less than prompt in

answering your summons but we were..."

     "Uh, don't worry about the explanations

Malachite...just see that it doesn't happen again." Queen

Beryl swiftly interrupted. There were some things that were

better left to the imagination.

      Neflite, who had long since returned with the fan

merchandise for his queen, smirked off to one side. He was

in a particularly bad mood after his outing. His credit had

been cut off, the girl at the video store had given him a

tongue lashing for not rewinding the movie and, to top it

all off,  some idiot in a Ferrari splashed mud all over his

CK original. Between that and having to break his date with

Molly, Neflite was quite happy to see someone else get the

short end of the stick for a change. He turned his attention

back to Queen Beryl as she addressed Zoisite.

     "Zoisite, I'm pleased with your progress in recovering

the rainbow crystals. I am, therefore going to send you on a

special mission."

     Neflite and Jadeite, who was still working on the

floor, exchanged a look. Queen Beryl really needed to get a

new spiel. She was getting far too predictable. Pretty soon

every youma in the Negaverse would know what was coming

next.

     "What do you wish of me your majesty?" Zoisite went

from sullen to power hungry in about one second flat. Queen

Beryl waved her hands frantically over her crystal ball and

a rather long list appeared before the third general.

     "This is a list of the necessary objects. Bring them to

me in one day's time and your rewards will be great."

Meaning, of course, that she would spare Zoisite's life if

the task was completed on time.

     It was at this point that Malachite stepped forward.

Here was the perfect opportunity to get back in Zoisite's

good graces.

     "Your majesty," he began, bowing. "I wish to assist

Zoisite on this mission." Zoisite's eye's lit up, his

earlier bad mood forgotten.

     "Oh Malachite. I'm honored. Thank you, cupcake!"

     "Your welcome, muffin. You know I'd do anything for

you."

     "I'm sorry I threw the table at you, sweetcheeks."

     "Already forgotten, lovebug."

     The two continued on like this for several minutes,

completely oblivious to their surroundings. Jadeite was

holding back some choice comments to throw in their

direction. The last thing he needed was to have Zoisite,

Malachite AND Queen Beryl pissed off at him. Neflite, on the

other hand, was openly making mock gagging motions off to

the side. Queen Beryl noticed but decided to let it pass.

The pair of them *could* be quite sickening at times. She

cleared her throat loudly when they showed no sign of

stopping their little love-in.

     "As much as I would like you two to stick around and

rot my teeth, I do have a deadline to meet. Therefore I

suggest you two SHUT UP AND GET GOING!!!!!!!!!"

     "Yes my queen!" Malchite and Zoisite both made a dash

for the exit with the list in tow.

     The queen sighed heavily as she listened to her two

generals crash down the hallway. She hoped those two would

be able to get along until all of the objects were placed in

her presence. After all, it wasn't everyday that first prize

in the Star Trek Scavanger Hunt was a date with Patrick

Stewart....



                                             *

*                    *



     While Zoisite and Malachite were running off to do

Beryl's bidding, the Sailor Scouts were meeting at Raye's

temple to discuss the current situation concerning the

Negaverse. Raye, Ami, Lita and Mina were seated around a low

table while Serena sat off to one side, laughing her head

off at Raye's comic books. (<g> is this familiar?) Luna and

Artemis sat off to one side, waiting for Serena's laughter

to die down before starting the meeting. Deciding that this

was futile, Raye snatched the comics away from her and put

them away.

     "SERENA! We're trying to have a serious meeting here!"

     "You're so MEAN!" Serena whined, beginning to sniff.

     "Not again...." Luna stepped in. "Serena, this crybaby

act is getting old." Serena immediately snapped out of her

crying jag.

     "Complain to the writers, Luna. They're the one's who

say I have to break into tears every episode. Just like Raye

has to get angry, Ami has to do something intelligent, Lita

has to mention her old boyfriend......"

     "Okay, okay, I get the picture." Luna sighed. "Just

keep it short and keep it down. This story's already getting

out of control."

     "Sure thing, Luna!" Serena went back to crying for a

few minutes, while Raye lost her temper, Ami did a few

calculations, Lita found a new crush, Mina hung around

striking dramatic poses, Luna nagged and Artemis practiced

his melodrama. Five minutes later the entire group had

completed their character trademarks and they all settled

down to business.

     "So what's been going on with the Negaverse lately."

Serena asked. "It's been really quiet for the last few

days."

     "Who knows?" Lita shrugged. "Maybe they gave up."

     "Or maybe they're on vacation." Mina added.

     "Or maybe it's a holiday in that evil society of

theirs." Ami put in. Need it be said that sweat drops

appeared on the heads of everyone present? I thought not.

     "Or maybe not.." she quickly ammended.

     "At any rate," Luna said, "We should take advantage of

this momentary lull in the hostilities."

     "That's right," Artemis put in. "After all, it's not

everyday you get a break like this."

     "So this means you should......"

     "Study, study, study....right Luna?" Serena cut in.

     "Don't be such a meatballhead, Serena! We should

exercise and work on our attacks!"

     "Raye's right," Lita added. "You can never get too much

exercise."

     "I should go write some entrance exams." Ami said.

"I'll never get into med school if I don't start preparing

now...."

     "We should work on our poses and speeches for when we

fight the Negaverse." Lita said. "If we intimidate them from

the start, they'll be easier to beat!"

     Needless to say, the meeting quickly degenerated into

squabbling, which in turn degenrated into everyone blowing

raspberries at everyone else. Finally Luna decided that

enough was enough.

     "ALRIGHT EVERYONE!!!!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!"

     Everyone froze in mid-fight and turned their attention

to Luna.

     "Thank you! Now, what I was going to say was that you

should take some time off. Watch cartoons, read comics, pig

out on junk food........" There was dead silence for a

moment.

     "Are you feeling ok Luna?" Serena asked. "You don't

sound like youself."

     "Maybe you should get some rest." The other girls

chorused.

     "I'm fine," Luna scowled. "I just wanted to have a

little fun. You're not the only ones who want to try a

little character expansion, you know."

     Satisfied that Guardian Luna wasn't going out of her

little kitty mind, the five scouts carefully planned their

next couple of days off. It wasn't often they got a vacation

and they didn't want to go out of their minds with boredom

before the Dark Kingdom decided to attack again.



*                    *                    *



     "JADEITE! NEFLITE! ZOISITE! MALACHITE! " Queen Beryl

called her generals a few days later. She had been quite

satisfied with their efforts up until that point. Neflite

had acquired the celebrity stand ups she had requested and

he had footed the bill without complaint. Jadeite, although

he had complained about paying for her snacks the other

night, had done a wonderful job cleaning her throne room.

The floor was spotless and he was now in the process mending

drapes which looked they had been hanging around for 1000

years. Malchite and Zoisite had also managed to please her.

In spite of their occasional spats, the two of them had

collected enough objects in the Star Trek Scavenger Hunt to

win their queen second place. Commander Riker wasn't a bad

consolation prize in her books.

     After the excitment of the day had worn off, however,

Queen Beryl realized just how much she had been obseessing

lately and decided that it was high time they paid a visit

to the Sailor Scouts. She could probably pass off her recent

lack of interest in the Scouts as a clever plan to catch

them off guard. The generals would back her up even if they

didn't quite believe her themselves. 'Power is a wonderful

thing,' she mused.

     Jadeite was the first to arrive. Not because he was

more prompt than the other three, but mainly because he was

still working on the same room when the queen summoned him.

He continued sewing patches on the drapes while standing at

attention and prayed that the ringing in his ears would die

down before he had to respond to anyone. 'Queen Beryl must

have the healthiest set of lungs in the Negaverse,' he

thought to himself as his hearing slowly returned.

     Neflite was the next to appear, brushing twinkie crumbs

off of his uniform.

     "You screeched, your majesty?" he asked attempting a

low bow and popping a button off the front of his jacket in

the process. The queen raised an eyebrow at her second

general. Neflite laughed nervously.

     "Must be that old drier of mine....it seems to be

shrinking all my clothes lately.."

     Queen Beryl gave him a flat look.

     "I see...."

     Greetings, your majesty." Zoisite and Malchite entered

the throne room interupting whatever snide comment Queen

Beryl had been planning. Neflite sighed in relief, glad the

attention was focused somewhere else for while. Meanwhile

Jadeite, still trying to recover his hearing, wondered why

the other two generals had come in talking about weeding.

Perhaps they were planning a garden.....you never could tell

with those two.

     "Hello Jadeite......nice to see you're cleaning up this

one horse town." Zoisite said while Malachite slapped a hand

to his forehead and thought, 'Why me?'

     Jadeite realized he was being addressed and, in an

attempt to not look foolish, responded with an

unintentionally loud comment about coarse ground coffee.

Zoisite backed towards Malchite a couple of steps.

     "Uh, sure.....whatever you say Jed." Zoisite turned his

attention to Queen Beryl who was waiting rather impatiently

for her general to give it a rest. "What do you wish of me,

my queen?"

     "I have called you all here for a very

important......MALACHITE!" The fourth general jumped and

snapped to attention. "Stop messing with that cape! All that

flapping distracts me!"

     "Yes your majesty."

     'What am I going to do with that guy?' Beryl grumbled

inwardly. ' First it was the top fastener on his uniform,

then the cape.....what's next? He's already got more

accessories than the other three put together.....' She

resumed speaking.

     "As I was saying, I have called you all here for a very

important reason. You may have noticed that we haven't been

bothering the Sailor Scouts too much lately. There is a

reason for this. Do any of you know what that reason is?"

     "Summer?" Jadeite asked while the other three generals

wondered just how much of an effect the eternal sleep had

had on him. Jadeite, seeing the looks on their faces,

decided to keep his mouth shut until his hearing had

returned completely. Queen Beryl decided to ignore him until

further notice.

     "I want the scouts to become complacent, lazy. I want

them to think that the Negaverse fell off the face of the

universe so they'll be off guard when we do attack!"

     "And when will we be attacking, my queen?" muttered

Malachite under his breath, "After the Star Trek convention

next week?"

      "I heard that!" Beryl glared at him. "And if it's okay

with you, Mr. Smarty Pants, we'll be attacking this

afternoon.......any objections?"

     "No." Malachite mumbled, staring at his shoes.

     "Now, Neflite.." Queen Beryl turned to her second

general  who stopped snickering abruptly. "Did you find the

information I requested?"

     "Yes, my queen." he said. "After all, the stars know

everything." Zoisite rolled his eyes.

     "So what have you discovered? Do you know the

identities of the Sailor Scouts?"

     "Well, that depends.....which version do you want?"

     "Version? What on earth are you babbling about

Neflite?"

     "Do you want their Japanese identities or their North

American identities?"

     "Well, I......."

     "Or their French identities? Or their German

identities? Or their Italian identities?" Neflite continued

listing the possiblilites he has discovered on the internet.

      "ALRIGHT! THAT'S ENOUGH!" Queen Beryl cut in when he

began discussing the Outer Senshi. She had enough on her

hands without worrying about five more Sailor Scouts. "Where

did you get all this stuff anyway?"

     "Oh, on the internet," Neflite said, "You just put in a

search for Sailor Moon and you're immediately linked to all

the information you need. You wouldn't believe how many

homepages there are...."

     "Yes, yes....well, let's have the North American

version then, we're all speaking english after all."

     "Okay, here goes." Neflite handed her six laser colour

prints and began to relay what he had discovered. The first

is Sailor Moon, she's a fourteen year old, klutzy crybaby

who in Japan, but you already knew that. Her real name is

Serena..." He proceeded to describe the other four Sailor

Scouts and their guardians Luna and Artemis while the others

handed around the pictures.

     "You know, your majesty." He went on. "I've discovered

that we have a small following on the internet as well.....I

took the liberty of printing out these pictures....." The

generals crowded around to see what their own fans had said

about them.

     "Where are the pictures of me?" Malachite whined.

"Don't these people have any taste?"

     "Yes, I imagine that they do." said Jadeite, who had

finally regained enough of his hearing to join in.

     "Well, I don't see very many of you either, Smart

Mouth."

     "Oh, shut up Surfer Boy."

     "Hahahahahahaha! Looks like you've put on a few pounds

since these were taken, eh Neflite?"

     "At least they didn't make me into a woman, Zoisite."

     "What??!? Let me see that!"

     "Who are you calling Surfer Boy, Blondie?"

     "Read it and weep, Zoisite!" Neflite laughed.

     "That's *got* to be a typo!!!!"

     "That may times?"

     "Hey, show a little respect! I survived the eternal

sleep!"

     "Only because Beryl let you out to run errands."

     "Who asked you, Neflite?"

     "ENOUGH!!!!!" Beryl's thunderous command echoed

throughout the entire chamber, cutting off the swiftly

deteriorating conversations of her generals. They froze in

their tracks. "One more word out of any of you and I'm

cutting off your pay channel access." The silence was

deafening.

     "Now all of you get out of my sight! Go sharpen your

weapons or something. We'll meet back here at 1:30pm sharp

to attack the Sailor Scouts."

     The four generals calmly left the throne room. They

spoke not one word, their boots made no sound on the stone

floor. The doors of the throne room swung shut behind them.

Beryl could hear the dull roar of voices less than half a

second later.

     "Why do I keep them around?" she asked herself.



                                                 *

*                   *



     The five Sailor Scouts and their feline guardians had,

meanwhile, decided to meet at Raye's temple for an afternoon

of watching anime videos and junking out. They had just

watched the first four episodes of Fushigi Yuugi and were

sitting around with hearts in their eyes, comparing Tamahome

to Tuxedo Mask, while the tape rewound. None of them were

prepared when the first attack came.

    "I know your identies, Sailor Brats! Your time has

come." Jadeite shouted as he lashed out towards the scouts.

Before they knew it, the scouts were being dive-bombed by

about a dozen model airplanes. (What did you expect? They're

not at the airport.....)

     "SCOUTS TRANSFORM! MEOOOWRAA!" Luna shouted as she

ducked behind a plant to avoid getting hit.

     "Right, Luna" the four planetary scouts chanted in

perfect unison. It never ceased to amaze Luna when they did

that.

     "MERCURY POWER!"

     "MARS POWER!"

     "JUPITER POWER!"

     "VENUS POWER!"

     "SCOUT POWER" They shouted as one. Serena, meanwhile,

had hidden herself under a table and was in the process of

trying to crawl away unseen when Luna latched onto her.

     "Where do you think you're going Serena? You have a job

to do."

     "That's right Luna, I forgot to make my bed this

morning and I'm just going to do it now, okay?" She laughed

nervously.

      "That's not what I mean and you know it. Now transform

yourself!"

     "Oh, alright Luna. MOON PRISM POWER!" Serena remained,

remarkably, unscathed during the thirty second tranformation

scene which ensued and, afterwards, stood before Jadeite as

Sailor Moon.

     "How dare you interrupt young girls while they're

enjoying their favorite animes? In the name of the

moon......I'll punish you!"

     "How amusing you are, Sailor Moon." Jadeite laughed.

"But even that won't save you now! Feel the power of the

Dark Side.....Oh sorry, that's Star Wars.......Feel the

power of the Negaverse." The model airplanes changed their

courses until they all flew towards the quaking Sailor Moon.

     "You wouldn't dare!" She shouted.

     "Try me!"  Serena screamed and ducked as the airplanes

bombed through the space where her head had been. She should

have known that a vacation was too good to be true.



                                               *

*                  *



     In another part of the city, Darien was just sitting

down in front of the television when his Spidey Sense began

tingling. Fearing, from the authors choice of words, that he

had been placed in the wrong story, Darien swiftly

transformed into Tuxedo Mask. He heaved a sigh of relief

when his regular superhero duds appeared. The last thing he

needed was a skin tight body suit. Serena was becoming a bad

influence on his eating habits. He failed to notice the

spiderweb pattern which had appeared on the red lining of

his cape.

     "Hang on Serena!" he called out for the benefit of

anyone who might be watching. "I, Cape B....I mean, Tuxedo

Mask, am coming to save you just in the nick of time!" With

that, the disguised Darien straightened his hat and cape,

checked his rose supply and his breath (You never know when

you might have to kiss a damsel in distress) and dashed out

of his apartment. A moment later he returned and grabbed his

cane which he had left on top of the coffee table. Seconds

later he was stabbing impatiently at the elevator button

down the hall.

     "Come on, come on!" he growled, pushing the button

again. It never failed. Sailor Moon needed his help and the

elevator slowed to a crawl.



                                                  *

*                   *



     Meanwhile, the Sailor Scouts who had, up until that

point, been dodging the model airplanes, were forming a

plan. They shouted ideas back and forth to one another with

little fear of  Jadeite overhearing them. Between the

buzzing of the engines and the decibals that Sailor Moon was

putting out, there was no chance of that.

      "Guys, I could use a little help here!" Serena yelled

as another airplane narrowly missed one of the meatballs on

her head.

     "Alright, alright, just hold your horses." Mars

shouted. "Don't be such a crybaby!"

     "I TOLD YOU, I'M NOT A CRYBABY! THAT'S THE WAY THE

WRITERS MADE MY CHARACTER!" Serena went ballistic and, in

the process, almost lost an arm to Jadeite's airplanes. 'I

really have to stop letting Mars get to me,' she thought.

     Jadeite was so wrapped up in the fun of bombing Sailor

Moon that he didn't even notice Mars sneaking up behind him.

     "I call upon the power of Mars! Fireballs CHARGE!" The

curse landed squarely on Jadeite's back and immediately the

planes swerved away from Sailor Moon and headed towards him.

     "Oh no! Not again!" Jadeite ducked the oncoming

airplanes and ran headlong into a wall. "I hate it when this

happens..." he grumbled as he slumped to the floor, his

consciousness quickly fading. The scouts cheered as

Jadeite's airplanes drifted to the ground, lifeless, but

their joy was short-lived, for it was not long before

Neflite appeared.

     "The Stars know everything...." he said, entering the

somewhat-demolished room. "Too bad Jadeite didn't." He

looked at the unconscious figure near the far wall and tsked

loudly. He thought that the first general would have had

enough sleep for the time being, without having to nap

during a mission.

     "What do you want, Neflite?" Sailor Moon stepped

forward with her companions and the five of them struck

dramatic poses for a few minutes. Neflite watched them,

unimpressed.

     "Oooooh, that's scarey." he said when they had

finished. "Gee, how can I ever match that? Now, experience

the power of....."

     "Maxfield? Is that you?" A rather irritating Brooklyn

accent cut Neflite off in mid-charge and mid-sentence.

     "Molly?"

     "I thought that was you Maxfield. I just wanted to

apologize for yelling at you the other night. I know it's

not your fault that you had to break our date. That cranky

boss of yours....."

     "Shhh." he cut Molly off. "She might hear you."

     "Well, anyway, I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

     "Oh, that's okay Molly. I'm sorry too. You know I hate

breaking promises to you....." Neflite trailed off as he

noticed the Sailor Scouts standing off to one side, braced

for battle.

     "Do you mind? This is a private conversation." He drew

Molly off to one side where they continued talking. The

scouts looked at each other in confusion. They had,

apparently, defeated Neflite, but they weren't quite sure

how. However, they weren't ones to look a gift horse in the

mouth, so they settled back down to watch their

videos......after binding the still unconscious Jadeite, of

course. Neflite and Molly continued to talk in low voices,

off to one side. They were half-way into the credits of the

next movie when Zoisite arrived.

     "Hahahahahahahaaa! You're pathetic, Neflite!" he

laughed uncontrollably. "Letting yourself be distracted by

that human girl again. When are you going to learn? What do

you have to say for yourself?"

      "Your eyes are limpid pools of azure blue....."

Neflite continued, completely ignoring Zoisite. The third

general gave him a flat look and, once again, the infamous

sweat drop appeared.

     "Neflite, the queen grew an extra head and she's flying

south of the border to have it removed."

     "Fine, Zoisite. Tell him I said hi." he said not taking

his eyes off of Molly.

     "Okaaay fine." Zoisite turned to when the scouts were

totally immersed in their movie. He scowled, angry that they

had not noticed his dramatic entrance and angrier still that

they continued to not notice him. "Oh well, at least it will

be easier to destroy you like this. Fortunately I am not so

easily distracted as....-Hey! Is that the new Ranma 1/2

Movie?" He dove down to get a closer look.

     "Hey! Down in front!" Jupiter shouted as Zoisite popped

up between her and the tv.

     "Does this have that handsome devil Kuno in it?"

     "I don't know." Mars said, irritated. "Get your elbow

out of my side."

     "Sorry."

     "Look," Serena cut in. "Watch if you want, but keep it

down....I can't hear what's going on."

     Zoisite quickly and quietly settled himself between

Mars and Jupiter to watch the rest of the movie. He knew

this was consorting with the enemy but anyone who liked

Ranma couldn't be all bad.......



                                                 *

*                 *



     Back in the elevator, Tuxedo Mask was very confused.

His Spidey Sense was giving him mixed readings and he was

now uncertain whether or not Sailor Moon was actually in

danger. He could feel the presence of the Negaverse but it

did not seem to be threatening the scouts directly.

     "Maybe those guys are starting to mellow out after 1000

years or so." he mused to himself. He gazed at the elevator

buttons. "Can't this thing go any faster??" <CRASH>

Predictably, the elevator shuddered and the lights flickered

out as it came to a halt between the third and second

floors.

     "Oh dear."



                                                 *

*                  *



     "ZOISITE! What the hell are you doing????"

     "SHHHHHH!" Malachite recieved glares from all around as

he barged into the temple.

     "Zoisite....." he lowered his voice.

     "I'm viewing a movie, dear. Shut up and let me watch."

     "But Zoisite...."

     "I SAID SHUT UP!"

     "Great!" Malachite muttered. "How are we supposed to

serve Queen Beryl while you're busy going ga-ga over a

stupid television......Wait a minute, isn't that one of the

lifeguards on Baywatch at the altar over there?" He glanced

out the window. "It is! And me without my camera! Enjoy your

movie, Zoisite." Malachite made a dash for the door but fell

a little short as one of the low tables in the room slammed

into the back of his head. Totally dazed, he was unable to

protest when Zoisite bound him in a cocoon-like manner with

his own cape and sat him down next to the slowly recovering

Jadeite.

     "And you complain about the stuff *I* watch." he

muttered, sitting back down in front of the tv.

     Needless to say, Beryl was extremely displeased with

her generals when she arrived on the scene. Neflite was

quite involved in a favorable description of Molly's

shining, red locks, Jadeite and Malachite were bound

securely and grumbling to each other in a corner of the room

and Zoisite was sprawled in front of the television with the

Sailor Scouts, junking out on popcorn and potatoe chips.

'The whole Negaverse full of warriors and I had to promote

those four,' she grumbled inwardly. 'Live and learn.' She

was preparing to rid herself of her incompetent minions and

the Sailor Brats for good when, all of the sudden, a high

pitched beeping filled the air.

     "Shhhhh!"

     "Oh shhhhh yourselves." She growled while glancing at

her watch. Her eyes bulged in disbelief.

     "This cannot be! The attack was supposed to be over

with by 3:30! It's ten to four! I'm going to miss today's

episode of Star Trek! You haven't seen the last of me!"

Beryl shouted as she dashed out the door, hoping that these

parting words would strike fear into the hearts of her

enemies.

     "Yeah sure, whatever." Serena said before scarfing down

another handful of popcorn.



                                             *

*                    *



     Still in the elevator, Darien felt the danger to Sailor

Moon peak, and pass, as quickly as it had begun. Although

uncertain as to what had transpired, and displeased about

the prospect of having to explain his lack of presence to

Serena, Darien was glad that the scouts had been able to

handle the Negaverse without him. He had hollered himself

hoarse before remembering that there *was* a phone in the

elevator for just such emergencies and by then it had been

too late to make a dramatic entrance on the battle field.

     "There's always next time," he sighed to himself,

listening to the clanks of the mechanics as they repaired

the elevator. "I knew I should have taken the window."



                                            *

*                      *



     And so, a peaceful end came to a less than peaceful day

for both  the Scouts and the Negaverse. Zoisite got to see

the rest of Ranma 1/2 and went home for supper, after

promising to bring his copy of Dragon Half the next time he

came to watch videos with the scouts. Malachite, who had

managed to untangle himself earlier, had gone running after

the Baywatch babe he had noticed outside. He had received an

autograph and a phone number for his efforts and was

promptly slapped silly by Zoisite upon his return home.

Neflite and Molly finally went on their, much postponed,

date; eating chocolate parfait until they were sick of the

stuff. Jadeite remained tied up in Raye's temple until he

was released by Chad, who had tripped over him while

sneaking a midnight snack. After returning to the Negaverse,

he was re-assigned to cleaning detail and quickly raised

through the ranks to achieve the title of Chief Cook and

Bottle Washer, a much coveted position on the janitorial

staff. As for Queen Beryl, she made it to her throne room

with five seconds to spare before Star Trek began and went

to sleep that night, a happy woman.



The End



Endnote: Well, hope you've enjoyed my first attempt at

fanfic writing. If you have comments to make that cannot be

contained to a mere, "I liked it." then you can contact me

this fall(September) through my university e-mail account

(mabn@mailserv.mta.ca). If you want to contact me sooner,

then post a note for me on alt.fan.sailormoon (you can get

to it through almost any large collection of SM links). Put

the subject down as Re: A Day in the Life and I will try to

keep an eye open for it. Sorry you can't mail me directly

but my current e-mail address is not mine to give out

freely. Either way, please keep your comments within the

bounds of good taste or I shall have to use "delete mail

activation". Remember: Constructive criticism can be a good

thing. Thank you kindly. =)