101 Uses for Chibi-Usa
(Dead or Alive!)
1. A hood ornament
2. Use her as a discus in the Olympics
3. Target practice
4. Attach a wheel between those two ponytails and you have a
5. Use as a sugar supplement
6. The Chibi-Usa chew-toy for large pets
7. Cut her into pieces then re-assemble her and you have
art (like she wasn't abstract before!)
8. BBQ scraper
9. Stop animal testing! Use Chibi-Usa instead!
10. A shield
12. Speedbump (preferably alive)
13. Crash test dummy
14. Fuel for the Saturn-V Rocket
15. Crashpad for stuntmen
16. Stand-in for stuntmen
17. Toilet brush
18. Beat stick
19. Something to beat *with* a stick
20. When ground to a fine powder she can be used as the dye and
the sweetener for the "pink hearts" in Lucky Charms.
21. A Sympathy Generator: Although I don't know why you would
need to generate sympathy, we do feel sorry for anyone who
has to deal with her for more than 5 seconds.
22. Doom Tree fertilizer........oh sorry, that's only if you're
human and she isn't even close.
23. Tacky lawn ornament; with the right accessories she could
pass for a lawn gnome.....or one of those plastic
24. Stunt double for the Olsen twins in their horror film debut,
"Full House of Terror"
25. Anything which requires her to be inanimate and silent. (ie.
doorstop, paperweight, etc.)
26. A wonderful addition to the stories that parents make up to
scare their kids into behaving.
27. A tool of persuasion in drawing confessions out of hardened
28. Lightning rod
29. Chibi-Usa Brand Marshmallow Fluff.
30. Official food taster. (To check for poison, heh!heh!)
31. Alien abductee (they'd never bother us again, and neither
32. The main ingredient in Pixie Sticks.
33. A living example of why you should practice safe sex..
.....strike that...why you should practice celibacy.
34. If boiled down to her basic essence and injected properly,
she could create a greater high than that of any other drug
on the market, legal or otherwise.
36. Bake her (And get food poisoning? Aaah...a good way to
get rid of your enemies...)
38. Ambassador to Chechnya
39. Dart board
40. Sugar fix! Take a BIG bite...
41. Someone to blame
42. Asphalt for Disney World
43. Object of hate
44. Punching bag
45. Navel lint scrubber
46. Electrical current carrier (the connector between two
47. Something special to throw off the CN Tower
48. Something to catch other things that fall off the
49. Alpo (the dogs will eat it - they eat everything...he didn't
eat it..hey doggy...)
51. Tongs to retrieve keys and other personal items from tar pits
or live volcanoes
52. A pooper-scooper (bend pony-tails for desired scoop)
53. A weather vane ("Tuxedo Mask, come get me down!"
54. Even amoebae need food!
55. A great macrame planter
56. Assassination of diabetics
58. Mamoru's grounds for divorce
59. Shark bait
61. The meat in hot dogs
62. V.P of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory
63. Cotton Candy (the hair is pink for *some* reason..)
64. A gargoyle
65. First Base (no...not the *player*...)
66. Stuff pillows with her hair
67. Biological warfare
68. Sailboat sail
69. Cafeteria food (hey, it might just be an improvement...)
70. Atomic weapons tests
71. Rocket fuel
73. Bomb disarmer (Oh, did I say 6 minutes? I meant 1...)
74. Leather interior for an expensive car
75. A curling ball
76. Geological tester for pressure in volcanoes
77. Sand bag in case of flood
78. An important component in an operation to get people to
willingly hand over their souls; after 5 minutes with her,
they'd give you anything!
79. Experiments on the effects of sulfuric acid
80. Foot pump for air mattresses
81. Speeding up lengthy trials. ("Your Honour, we'd like to call
our first witness, Chibi-Usa." "Noo! Oh My God,
82. Bicycle helmet
84. Parachute tester
85. Guest on the talk show circuit
86. Powder-puff for "freshening up" in those restaurant
87. -Negated upon request-
88. Strap her to the top of an ambulance as one of those really
89. Bait when you're fishing (think of the fun of putting her on
90. Baseball bat
91. The secret ingredient in Kentucky Fried Chibi-Usa.
Special sub-set: 10 Uses for Chibi-Usa in a Mine
92. Stuff her in a blast hole to pack explosives (and leave her there)
93. Use her to test drill bits
94. Clear a jammed rock crusher ("Just scream when it's moving again")
95. Check for loose rock (If some falls on her, no big loss)
96. Patch holes in tires of 150-ton dump truck
97. A boot mat for miners coming out of the mine
98. Check for poisonous gasses (Canaries have rights!!)
99. Put her under a drill to keep it level
100. Hold explosives in place (Then detonate them)
101. Throw her down a mine shaft and time her scream (good for calculating depth)
Page 2 - #'s 102 - 199
Page 3 - #'s 200 - ??
To add to the list, email me
Last updated Fri, August 13, 1999