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101 Uses for Chibi-Usa

(Dead or Alive!)

1. A hood ornament

2. Use her as a discus in the Olympics

3. Target practice

4. Attach a wheel between those two ponytails and you have a wheelbarrow

5. Use as a sugar supplement

6. The Chibi-Usa chew-toy for large pets

7. Cut her into pieces then re-assemble her and you have abstract art (like she wasn't abstract before!)

8. BBQ scraper

9. Stop animal testing! Use Chibi-Usa instead!

10. A shield

11. Landfill

12. Speedbump (preferably alive)

13. Crash test dummy

14. Fuel for the Saturn-V Rocket

15. Crashpad for stuntmen

16. Stand-in for stuntmen

17. Toilet brush

18. Beat stick

19. Something to beat *with* a stick

20. When ground to a fine powder she can be used as the dye and the sweetener for the "pink hearts" in Lucky Charms.

21. A Sympathy Generator: Although I don't know why you would need to generate sympathy, we do feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with her for more than 5 seconds.

22. Doom Tree fertilizer........oh sorry, that's only if you're human and she isn't even close.

23. Tacky lawn ornament; with the right accessories she could pass for a lawn gnome.....or one of those plastic flamingoes.

24. Stunt double for the Olsen twins in their horror film debut, "Full House of Terror"

25. Anything which requires her to be inanimate and silent. (ie. doorstop, paperweight, etc.)

26. A wonderful addition to the stories that parents make up to scare their kids into behaving.

27. A tool of persuasion in drawing confessions out of hardened criminals

28. Lightning rod

29. Chibi-Usa Brand Marshmallow Fluff.

30. Official food taster. (To check for poison, heh!heh!)

31. Alien abductee (they'd never bother us again, and neither would she!)

32. The main ingredient in Pixie Sticks.

33. A living example of why you should practice safe sex.. .....strike that...why you should practice celibacy.

34. If boiled down to her basic essence and injected properly, she could create a greater high than that of any other drug on the market, legal or otherwise.

35. Pinata

36. Bake her (And get food poisoning? Aaah...a good way to get rid of your enemies...)

37. Cannonball

38. Ambassador to Chechnya

39. Dart board

40. Sugar fix! Take a BIG bite...

41. Someone to blame

42. Asphalt for Disney World

43. Object of hate

44. Punching bag

45. Navel lint scrubber

46. Electrical current carrier (the connector between two wires..)

47. Something special to throw off the CN Tower

48. Something to catch other things that fall off the Tower

49. Alpo (the dogs will eat it - they eat everything...he didn't eat it..hey doggy...)

50. Kindling

51. Tongs to retrieve keys and other personal items from tar pits or live volcanoes

52. A pooper-scooper (bend pony-tails for desired scoop)

53. A weather vane ("Tuxedo Mask, come get me down!" "")

54. Even amoebae need food!

55. A great macrame planter

56. Assassination of diabetics

57. Doormat

58. Mamoru's grounds for divorce

59. Shark bait

60. Football

61. The meat in hot dogs

62. V.P of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory

63. Cotton Candy (the hair is pink for *some* reason..)

64. A gargoyle

65. First Base (no...not the *player*...)

66. Stuff pillows with her hair

67. Biological warfare

68. Sailboat sail

69. Cafeteria food (hey, it might just be an improvement...)

70. Atomic weapons tests

71. Rocket fuel

72. Anchor

73. Bomb disarmer (Oh, did I say 6 minutes? I meant 1...)

74. Leather interior for an expensive car

75. A curling ball

76. Geological tester for pressure in volcanoes

77. Sand bag in case of flood

78. An important component in an operation to get people to willingly hand over their souls; after 5 minutes with her, they'd give you anything!

79. Experiments on the effects of sulfuric acid

80. Foot pump for air mattresses

81. Speeding up lengthy trials. ("Your Honour, we'd like to call our first witness, Chibi-Usa." "Noo! Oh My God, NOOO!!!")

82. Bicycle helmet

83. Fertilizer

84. Parachute tester

85. Guest on the talk show circuit

86. Powder-puff for "freshening up" in those restaurant washrooms

87. -Negated upon request-

88. Strap her to the top of an ambulance as one of those really irritating sirens

89. Bait when you're fishing (think of the fun of putting her on the hook!)

90. Baseball bat

91. The secret ingredient in Kentucky Fried Chibi-Usa.

Special sub-set: 10 Uses for Chibi-Usa in a Mine

92. Stuff her in a blast hole to pack explosives (and leave her there)

93. Use her to test drill bits

94. Clear a jammed rock crusher ("Just scream when it's moving again")

95. Check for loose rock (If some falls on her, no big loss)

96. Patch holes in tires of 150-ton dump truck

97. A boot mat for miners coming out of the mine

98. Check for poisonous gasses (Canaries have rights!!)

99. Put her under a drill to keep it level

100. Hold explosives in place (Then detonate them)

101. Throw her down a mine shaft and time her scream (good for calculating depth)

Page 2 - #'s 102 - 199

Page 3 - #'s 200 - ??

To add to the list, email me

Last updated Fri, August 13, 1999